Taming the Green Monster of Envy

The other day as I made my way through Washington Square Park to a free yoga class, I noticed a female personal trainer and her client off to the side under a tree where they'd attached two TRX cables. The trainer was showing her client how to do a TRX-assisted pushup.

As I slowed down to watch, the Green Monster of Envy loomed its ugly head. Before I could stop it, I was bombarded with a deluge of negative thoughts: "Why don't I look like her? She's so thin!" "Why can't I afford two TRX cables? It will bring my training to the next level!" "People must judge me for being a trainer and not looking like her; boy, I've got a long way to go." As you can plainly tell, I probably would not be starting my yoga practice in the best frame of mind.

Yup, that pretty much sums up how I felt!

In spite of these feelings, I vowed to have a good practice. I made a deal with myself to shelve the negative thoughts during my practice, and if they resurfaced after, I promised not to judge myself for it. Well, maybe it was the fresh air, the delight of starting my day with nourishment for my soul, or the ease with which the teacher led us through the practice, but afterwards I felt renewed. The feelings of jealousy and resentment did in fact resurface, but I was able to let them drift by; they no longer had any power over me.

The lesson I took from this experience was that while I will never be immune to emotions as natural as jealously and envy, I can use the lessons I learn on the mat and elsewhere to take control of my actions and reactions in the presence of negativity. I can use these skills to re-focus and guide myself to a place of acceptance. There will always be a trainer who is leaner, more successful, wealthier, and more connected than I am, but guess what? They're them and I'm me. And I realize that I don't want to have anyone else's experience than my own. This quote from a blogpost from Jill Coleman at JillFit Physiques says it all:

"And when it comes to envy and jealousy, I just don’t have it anymore because bottom line: I like me, and I want to be me. And I rest easy knowing that I consciously CHOOSE to be exactly where I am, doing exactly what I’m doing, even if that means I’m not currently attaining some perceived success that I should be. My journey is my own, and how can I regret that?"

Amen, ya'll. Amen.