Yup, TV Helped Me Develop a Healthier Relationship with Food

I love the Real Housewives franchise, especially the ladies from New Jersey. They're quite a cast of characters, but what compels me to tune in season after season is not so much the cat fights, family drama, or big hair, but the food. All the housewives on the show are Italian-American, and a huge part of their identity as wives and mothers is about cooking for their families and friends. They make pasta, bread, pastries, cookies, wine, meat dishes, and sauces from scratch. Watching this show makes me 1) crave Italian food; and 2) thank my lucky stars that I wasn't born into such a family with traditions like Sunday dinner which, truth be told, seem more like feasts. 


via GIPHY

I have a weird obsession with food & pop culture. I like the cooking shows and all, but what's more interesting to me is how scenes in both scripted and reality shows are played out around food. There's the now infamous Theresa-table-flip from RHONJ Season 1 (see above), and the endless temptations that contestants on shows like The Biggest Loser have to contend with. It's a given that every sitcom under the sun will have at least one episode dedicated to Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Jerry Seinfeld's cereal obsession was on display in nearly every episode of the show, (although I'll never understand how someone might actually eat all those sugary concoctions before they went stale) as part of his character's backstory and identity. 

When food shows up on TV, I'm immediately more alert. Family dinners, dates, and other scenes depicting social engagements always catch my attention: What roles do the individual characters play around the food? Who prepared it, and who served it? Who's eating and enjoying it? What is their reaction to it? How does food facilitate the scene itself? Who's not eating at all (and why do I get mad that they're being wasteful!!!!???), and how does that manifest? Up until recently, I never thought to examine what this odd fascination might reveal about me: am I just, plain and simple, obsessed with food? Am I obsessed with what food stands for, and how it's used to convey different cultural values? Am I searching for a sign that these characters struggle with food anxiety just like me? What it comes down to, I think, is that I'm looking for clues: behaviors, cues, and rules for interacting over a meal that might help me figure out how NOT to obsess quite so much. 

This sounds strange, but it's not entirely so: there is a phenomenon called para-social interaction that describes how viewers relate to and develop fictional relationships with the characters in their favorite shows. It's not uncommon to hear people talk about fictional characters like they're real people, and some studies have even shown that people gravitate towards characters who they feel are either 1) similar to them; or 2) aspirational in some way [When You're In Love...With a TV Character]. When I observe scenes in which people are interacting around food, I'm intrigued because I want to understand how the characters that I relate to, relate to food. Since I aspire to be more mindful and relaxed around food, I am searching for that quality in the fictional characters I see on the screen. 


Once I realized that I do this, I was able to ditch the icky feeling that I was "just obsessed with food," and that was why I enjoyed watching these types of scenes play out. I realized that my interest (not obsession) was actually worthwhile, and the moments I honed in on could actually be instructive:

1) It may seem intuitive, but eating should be an experience, not just an act. There is something to be said about creating a dining "ambience" with real place mats, plates, cutlery, and napkins. On TV, it's all about presentation. Of course it is! Everything is staged! But it does reinforce this idea that when we sit down to eat, we should enjoy ourselves and get some satisfaction out of the act. This is really hard to do when you live alone, but it's even more important. When I sit down to eat at home, I like to sit at the table, free of distractions. I use cloth place mats and silverware that I have to wash afterwards (!). Having a glass of wine helps enhance the experience, too :-)

2) Eating should not only be an experience, but a communal one. The entire process--from planning to shopping to prepping to cooking to plating to eating--is sharing. Meal time is an important time to reconnect with those we care about after likely spending most of the rest of the day enveloped in individualistic pursuits. When TV families sit down to eat, there is care taken to ask one another about how the day was, and pass the dishes of food around the table. There's something incredibly powerful about how a meal can break down barriers and unite people over the fulfillment of one of our most basic needs in life: sustenance. This reminds me that food not only nourishes our bodies, but our souls, too. Keeping this in mind has helped me to slow down when I eat and really think about how the foods I eat enhance my life. Eating with other people is also a good way to avoid overindulgence because you're more focused on the group and the conversation. 

3) Not only is it a good habit to dine with others as much as possible, but when you dine en famille or with friends, you can let your guard down. How often do you share a meal with someone that you don't like?!  At least in most cases--although sometimes we believe our families are our worst critics (again: perception!)--these are people around whom we can be ourselves. We feel more comfortable, more at ease, and the conversation flows much easier. I always find that when I dine with friends and family, I take more time to eat because I am busy sharing what's going on in my life, hearing about what they're up to, etc. It's rarely rushed, which only contributes to the idea that eating is communal and should be a visceral, enjoyable experience.

Habits around eating are very hard to break; I know because it's taken me 6+ years to get to a point where I no longer binge or restrict. The moderate, middle-of-the-road approach works for me because it allows me to enjoy myself while remaining mindful. I'll admit it's odd that watching how people on TV eat has helped me overcome some of my food-related compulsions, but I believe that inspiration and motivation can be found anywhere--you just have to be open to it!