Why what we tell ourselves about ourselves matters

Happy (almost) 2016!

This has been one heck of a year. I'm so proud of everything that I've accomplished this year, and I'm looking forward to what 2016 has in store with a healthy mix of excitement, optimism, and fear. 

Yes, fear.

Not the kind of debilitating fear that renders one inert; rather, a fear that motivates and encourages by its being faced down and overcome. In other words, I fear that I'll try and fail, but the greater fear is that I won't try at all and never fulfill the potential that I know I possess. Frankly, I think this is a pretty positive place to be!

Despite that fact, it is not natural for me to exist in a state of blinder-less conviction. In fact, my self-esteem rises and falls by my ability to control my fear and direct it towards action. The less motivated I feel, the more I question myself and my "credentials," and the harder is becomes to damper my fears. The more afraid I feel, the more I feel like a failure, and the less motivated I am to do anything productive. It's a self-defeating cycle that can be hard to break out of.

Before I came to the realization that a career in health and wellness was inevitable, fear controlled me and permeated all aspects of my world. I lived my life in a state of perpetual self-criticism; it enshrouded me like the storm cloud follows Grumpy Bear wherever he goes:

Lacking the insight that I now possess, I searched aimlessly for a method, mantra, or phrase that I could repeat to myself to set me up with a positive outlook for the day. I'd read that repeating positive mantras to oneself could be transformative in terms of how you think, feel, and relate to yourself. I figured it couldn't hurt to come up with something I could easily repeat to myself every morning in the mirror to start my day off on the right foot, and I'd be much better of if I internalized these positive affirmations. 

And it did work...for awhile anyway. Perhaps it was just a placebo effect: I felt that I would work, so I subliminally created a more positive outlook. The problem was that there was no thrust behind the words; that is, there was no narrative attached the words so they were only words. In essence, I was like Al Franken's character, Stuart Smalley on SNL, except that I was an outsider looking in who could see straight past that veneer of positivity. I couldn't help but detect the bullshit that I couldn't necessarily hear but certainly felt.

Because I felt no attachment to them, I eventually stopped saying them and I went back to my same old habits that dimmed my light and left me in a very fearful and lonely place.

"One of these things is not like the other...!" [How an evolving mindfulness practice helped make this the most fulfilling holiday to date]

In years past, I would wake up the day after Christmas a remorseful, bloated, unhappy mess. Instead of reflecting joyfully on the time spent with family around the table and tree, I'd immediately begin plotting how many hours of cardio I would have to do in penance for my dietary "sins."

Needless to say, any relief I could elicit from guilt-exercise was brief to say the least, and left me feeling bereft: Both overindulgence and its resultant guilt left me no emotional bandwidth with which to form pleasant memories of the holiday. Instead of feeling abundance in heart, soul, and mind, I felt emptiness. I blamed myself for my lack of self-control, thus perpetuating the idea that overeating "bad" food meant I was an inherently "bad" person. 

Thanks to lots of conscientious practice, grace and patience, this year was different. I was fully immersed in the celebration of the day; I indulged mindfully and joyfully; and in moments of weakness, I reached out to another human being for emotional sustenance as opposed to turning to food. This represents a huge turnaround for me, and I just want to shout to the rooftops that #moderation365 works!

#moderation365 is a mindset around food that takes time to cultivate and practice. It requires that you discard tendencies to define foods in moralistic terms and just see it for what it is: food. Something benign, but which can and should be both nourishing and pleasurable. When you eat this way, nothing is ever off-limits, which has a crazy way of making formerly "forbidden" foods seem much less tempting. When foods are less tempting, we're much less likely to overindulge in them. The radical notion that we can sample any food that we want at any time makes it easier to eat in a way that supports our physique goals without having to expend as much physical and mental effort. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it's not...

Take this photo for example: 

Behold, an accurate depiction of what I've eaten in the past 48 hours. I've sampled my favorite Christmas cookies; pumpkin pie; fancy cheese; stuffing; and turkey skin. I've also helped myself to plenty of protein; brussel sprouts; and #BAS (big-a$$ salads). For me, this is what #moderation365 looks like. Sure, I'm not eating Christmas cookies and stuffing everyday, but on any given day, I work something similar into my diet...something that I would have previously scorned and avoided (only to overeat on more and worse things later on). 

One of my intentions for 2016 is to keep practicing #moderation365, with the hope that it becomes more and more effortless. My wish for you is the same: that whatever health-or-fitness-related intention you have, you practice it with a full heart and plenty of compassion. I hope that you seek out support from others, and remember that I am here and more than happy to cheer you on. #letsdo2016right :-)

My 5 Most-Effective Ways to Avoid Weight Gain this Holiday Season...and Beyond: Tip #5

Today's Tip:

Employ the 10-Minute Rule to stay mindful and present at all your holiday gatherings

Before I became a believer in #moderation365, I had only two dials: on plan and off plan. When I was on plan, everything that didn't meet my arbitrary standard of "health food" was off the table, and I employed willpower to the best of my ability to avoid cravings. Off plan meant that I was free to cut loose and eat with abandon. I told myself that my on-plan sacrifices had earned me the right to eat whatever I wanted for whatever window of time I allotted myself. More often than not, I took this leniency way too far and ended up feeling so stuffed and regretful that I couldn't recall even one pleasurable bite! This was not a way to live, and my metabolism proved that this strategy was doing me more harm than good. 

The times I'd give myself a wide berth were usually around holidays, especially Christmas. With all the parties and gatherings, it seemed impossible to approach this time with any modicum of self-restraint. As a result, when I'd show up at parties and make my way to the food table, it was almost as if a haze descended over me: I would get almost giddy at the prospect of eating as much of the food assembled as I wanted. It was literally intoxicating; it was like an out-of-body experience. 

Like many things, however, the anticipation of the thing was 10x better than the reality of it. I would end up spending all my time hovering around the food, trying not to "give myself away" as the greedy one at the party. I would watch others like a hawk, stressing over whether or not I would be able to get more of "x" dish before it was gone. I would watch resentfully as others helped themselves to a reasonable portion and continued to enjoy themselves and engage others in meaningful and interesting conversation. Since my focus was laser-pointed on the food situation, it left little brain bandwidth to engage my fellow party-goers. And when someone did try to engage me in conversation, I could only half-pay attention because my mind was elsewhere!!!

My 5 Most-Effective Ways to Avoid Weight Gain this Holiday Season...and Beyond: Tip #3

Today's Tip:

Prioritize protein and fiber-rich foods

Protein and fiber-rich foods increase satiety and stabilize your blood sugar. It's a win-win because these foods provide bulk and volume without adding too many calories, so yup stay satisfied longer with fewer dips in your energy levels. You get much bang for your proverbial buck with these foods because it's hard to really overdo it: realistically-speaking, how much chicken breast can you really eat after all?!? The same goes for high-fiber foods, which have the added benefit of keeping you regular (!) If the bulk of your diet (80% or so) is comprised of quality protein and fiber-rich foods, you're well on your way to avoiding the common pitfalls that befall us when it comes to eating in a way that aligns with our goals. 

[Foods that are high in fiber & protein! Sources, clockwise
from upper-left: Greatist ~ Minimalist Baker ~
Nature's Secret ~ Livestrong

Does anyone else notice that it seems as though, right around this time of year, clean protein sources and vegetables all but disappear from peoples' consciousness?!? So while the goal may be to prioritize these foods to get the most mileage out of our calories, this time of year presents a unique conundrum. I've been to countless holiday parties between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I'm pressed to find a green leaf, spear, or bean anywhere! Even protein un-sauced and outside of some pastry shell is hard to come by. And for those who consider raw veggies an alternative for those who choose not to indulge their every tasty whim this time of year: I'm sorry, but plain crudités is just not going to cut it.

If you think the gathering you're heading to will be a vegetable-and-protein desert, there are certain things you can do to ensure that you don't fall prey to overindulgence. Firstly, consider bringing a large dish that fits the bill. This way, even if there's nothing else at the party that you choose to eat, you have something delicious and plentiful, plus you know exactly what's in it. An added bonus? You get to show others that nutrient-dense, physique-friendly foods can be palate-pleasing, too!

Great salsa recipe from JillFit!

Healthy party dishes for your holiday fete! Sources
clockwise from upper-left: Taste As You Go ~ Pinterest ~
HuffPost

Secondly, consider eating a hearty serving of protein and veggies before you leave. That way you walk into the party ready to mingle instead of make a bee line directly to the dessert table. A protein shake with a fiber supplement added could suffice here, and its ease and portability makes it a great option if you're short on time or heading to your party straight from work (or the gym!).

My 5 Most-Effective Ways to Avoid Weight Gain this Holiday Season...and Beyond: Tip #1

Happy Monday, ya'll!

I hope you had a great weekend. I spent mine coaching bootcamp, meeting with clients, revisiting the American Museum of Natural History and buying and decorating my first Christmas tree! I say first because I've never had one in my own apartment before. Since I go back to Maine for the holidays, I've always just waited until my Christmas vacation to trim the family tree. It's a nice tradition: the adult children coming back to decorate the tree and listen to Christmas tunes. I realized that the only drawback is that I end up suspending my full holiday immersion: it's like I can't fully embrace the season until I get back to Maine. Because I'm eager to get into the spirit a little earlier this year, I bought my own little Charlie Brown-style tree which I'm in the process of decorating with red lights and hand-strung garland. My hope is that this little tree, along with the smell of pine, gets me into the holiday mood (and hopefully motivates me to finish my shopping!).

Want to know what doesn't need to be motivated to get into the holiday spirit? My stomach, LOL. This time of year is like an endless smorgasbord, and I'm sure you can relate when I say that it can be hard--like really hard--to stick to our healthy-eating goals.

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But if you know me you know that I love a challenge, which is why I am not only aiming to maintain this holiday season, but lose a little extra fat. Don't misinterpret this, though!: I am not passing any judgement on myself for "letting myself go," or making this out to mean anything other than what it is. I'm a wee bit softer than I prefer to be right now, and that's it. No guilt, no shame, no judgment, just a fact.

To help me shed this holiday season, I'm employing some of my most helpful strategies to avoid holiday weight gain by actually putting the seasonal indulgences to work for me. These tips have helped me to lean out, stay energized, and avoid any crazy, neurotic behavior that's derailed past efforts. Over the next couple of days, I'll share with you my most effective tips 'n' tricks for healthy fat loss that you can use any time of year. Whether it's spring time and you wanna shed a little fat before hitting the beach, or the holidays when food is abundant and willpower is at a minimum, these strategies will get you on track without diminishing from your quality of life!

Today's Tip:

Structure your indulgences around your workouts

Carbs are often vilified in the fitness industry, but when it comes to making gains in your training, carbs are your friend. Consumed prior to a workout, they'll provide energy to get you through those long lifting sessions or killer metcon workouts. You'll lift heavier, jump higher, sprint faster, and perform better when your body has that immediate source of energy at its disposal.

Consequently, after a heavy workout, our bodies tend to be more glycogen-depleted we deplete our glycogen stores. Glycogen is the storage form of carbohydrates, and it is the primary form of energy that your body accesses in order to perform. Intense exercise vastly diminishes these reserves. When glycogen stores are in this depleted state, you can afford to eat more carbs because your blood sugar levels won't rise as fast or as high, so you're not going to experience that damaging insulin spike. In fact, post-workout nutrition can help to optimize the release of insulin and human growth hormone to help promote muscle synthesis.

Some articles on this topic get into the minutiae of post-workout feeding, arguing that a high-glycemic carb source paired with a fast-acting protein (like whey protein isolate) will most effectively promote muscle synthesis post-workout. I'm sure there's an ideal ratio to best exploit the glycogen-depleted state, but I'm a firm believer in both feeding my muscles and appealing to my palate. If I can sneak in some of my favorite foods and mitigate their effects, I'm not going to worry too much about the macronutrient make up of my post-workout. In other words, #justfeedmecarbs

In conclusion, there are a couple of ways to strategically indulge over the holidays to both avoid weight gain and even lose some fat. By structuring your treats around your heavy workouts, you benefit by either increasing the stores of energy accessible to you during your training session or taking advantage of a state of glycogen-depletion where a heavier meal won't hinder your fat loss efforts, and may in fact spur muscle growth and protein synthesis! 

3 Effective Strategies to take the Edge off Cravings

Back when I was a cardio addict, running upwards of 20 miles per week and training for road races, I had the hardest time controlling my cravings, specifically for sugary treats and breads. Pancakes, french fries, hero rolls, pastries, cupcakes...you name it, I wanted it. Although I don't know what a sugar plum is, I had visions of them, along with every other sweet treat imaginable, dancing in my head!

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When your thoughts are consumed by certain foods, it's very hard to resist the impulse to indulge a craving. The trick, therefore, is to find strategies that have you thinking less about food in general and leave you more satisfied overall.

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When I was a cardio queen, I would be so ravenous after my workouts that I would eat everything and anything in sight. Not only was my body sending me biochemical signals that it was hungry, but my mind was telling me that I had "earned" my post-workout meal. This pass I granted myself to binge would give me a high, but when scratched, the itch immediately became raw: I'd always end up feeling remorseful. As a result, I'd default to deprivation mode, swear to myself that I would exercise more willpower next time, and then further flog myself with more cardio. For the longest time, I didn't see any possible way to extricate myself from this pattern despite the fact that I was seeing few results and yet doing more and more cardio. It was both physically and mentally exhausting, given that I blamed myself for my lack of adherence and felt completely out of my power.

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It wasn't until I started strength training and reading up on performance nutrition that I realized that my regimen was inadvertently the cause of my symptoms. Sustained cardio has the effect of increasing appetite, making it harder to ignore the biochemical signals that the body needs to eat. Increased appetite often leads to overeating, which means that you have to do more cardio to compensate. I'm sure you can see how this cycle perpetuates itself.

When I stopped doing so much endurance cardio, my appetite decreased dramatically. As I gained muscle, I craved less sugary foods and was satisfied with far less food than before. Plus I spent much less time working out! Looking back, I can't believe how much time I wasted doing cardio and feeling stuck as it became harder and harder to get the scale to budge. I was very reluctant to try anything new, however, because I was afraid of what would happen to my body if I suddenly stopped doing cardio: What if I blew up like a balloon? What if I suddenly gained back some weight? What if I couldn't control my appetite? Giving up cardio meant giving up some control which was a very scary prospect. I took it slow, however, and I'm glad I did because time allowed the changes to sink in and make an impact. Adopting the philosophy "more is not better; better is better" helped me home in on what types of workouts would give me the most bang for my proverbial buck in the shortest amount of time. And the shorter and more intense my workouts, the less likely I came to experience exercise-induced hunger and cravings.

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We've all been down Deprivation Road: we know where it leads, and that's straight to Binge City! In all seriousness, I can't think of any worse way to combat cravings than to ignore them completely. When we pretend they don't exist, we ignore reality: we are playing a losing game because reality has a funny way of catching up with us but only 100% of the time! The better bet is to set yourself up to be able to ride cravings out, and a good way to do this is by incorporating preemptive cheats.

Preemptive cheats are things that you can build into your meals throughout the day in order to take the edge off potential cravings and keep you from fighting the desire to binge later in the day. I've blogged about preemptive cheats before--a strategy I learned from Jill Coleman of JillFit Physiques--and they are entirely unique to the individual. It's all about what your dietary preferences are and what keeps you both physically and psychologically satisfied. Some of my preemptive cheats are nuts, dried fruit, nut butter, and real cream in my coffee. I also operate better with a little more carbs in my diet, so I like to incorporate sprouted grain bread and starchy veggies like sweet potatoes, all varieties of squash, rice and couscous. Adding a serving of nut butter to my toast, or a handful of trail mix in the mid-afternoon helps me to navigate the middle when it comes to my nutrition.

The Important Lessons I've Learned as a Reformed Fitness Infomercial Junkie

Recently while training a client in her living room, I caught the majority of an infomercial for a popular workout method. I won't name-names, but suffice it to say that the fitness personality behind the product is well-known in the industry and has her name behind many other workout programs and products.

While watching this infomercial, I had a couple of thoughts: 1) The people who produce these infomercials have the delivery down to a science; and 2) Wow, I totally used to fall for this, hook, line, and sinker! It's true, I'll admit it: at one point in my life, I was a fitness-infomercial product junkie. I fell for all the hype, believed all the wild claims, and bought into the amazing transformation stories. I remember the emotional highs I would experience when I watched these infomercials and saw what I thought were the faces of people who were fundamentally transformed by their experience with this or that program: to be blunt, I was gullible and every marketer's dream. 

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Not long ago, I was in Maine visiting my parents and going through old boxes of my stuff. I came across my collection of informercial purchases, including:

1) Billy Blanks' Tae Bo-->

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2) Mari Windsor's Pilates-->

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3) Greer Childers' Body Flex-->

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I remember distinctly being totally loca for these programs: I'd watch the infomercial over and over again. I don't know how I convinced my parents to allow me to order all these videos, but in their defense, I'm sure it pleased them that I was more interested in working out in our basement than engaging in other, less savory activities! 

In retrospect, the anticipation of waiting for the videos to arrive and unwrapping them was more exciting than actually working out to them, ha! This was especially true of the Body Flex videos which promised a leaner, healthier physique by performing various breathing techniques. I'll never forget one called Lion's Breath: the sound that she instructed us to make was a cross between a wheezing bulldog and a cat in the midst of coughing up a hair ball. This was supposed to make me lose weight!!! I can't help but laugh now! 

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I remember being really jazzed about the workouts for several weeks or months, and then my interest would eventually wane. After all, who could stay motivated by a video that promised great results by making sounds like a dying animal?!? Now, it's much easier to say that it's no wonder my efforts failed since they were built on the unrealistic premise that my results would we swift and informativeness. However, back in the day, I was quick to blame my lack of results on myself: my lack of discipline meant that I was an intrinsic failure. As a result, I continued to look at and be seduced by infomercials, perpetually in search of the one that would "work" for me. This was a self-fulfilling cycle which only served to keep me dependent on the external as the means of achieving my goals, and if you been reading the blog for awhile, you know how that turns out. 

3 Strategies to Help You Avoid Overeating at Restaurants (While Still Enjoying Yourself!)

In the first season of The Real Housewives of New York, Jill Zarin tells her daughter a story a story in which she was out to eat, and in order to stop herself from eating all the french fries on her plate, she drenched them in water. While I disagree with the context in which this story was shared with her daughter, as I believe it underscored Jill's attempt to control her daughter's eating habits specifically and her body more generally, her tale resonated with me. I'm sure it also rang true for other women who've done the same or equally absurd things to keep themselves from overeating when they're out to eat.

Even Real Housewives aren't immune to hot, oily, salty
goodness :-)

Self-Portrait: The Time I Threw Away Half a Cake...and then
proceeded to dig it out of the garbage and eat it anyway

Many women struggle with overeating in general, but it can be particularly difficult to rein oneself in when sitting at a restaurant. First of all, the portions are often very large; much larger than what we would typically serve ourselves at home. Secondly, the food is often prepared with a lot of butter, salt and other flavors that trigger the pleasure centers of our brain, making it hard to stop eating simply because we're full. Thirdly, many of us struggle to reconcile 1) the notion that it's wasteful not to clean our plates with 2) our best intentions to eat mindfully.

It looked appetizing at first...but after bite 1,000, I'm feeling
a little bit ill...can you feel me?!

For me, the struggle not to overeat at restaurants is real. I love dining out and I love food, but I hate the lack of control that I feel when I don't take my time and instead eat until I'm busting at the seams (Having to unbutton your pants after a meal? Not a good look!). To help me stay true to my intentions and my goals, I've come to rely on a few strategies to avoid overeating at restaurants:


1) Don't order an alcoholic beverage when the server first comes around for a drink order: Going out to dinner is exciting! Whether it's date night, an evening out on the town with girlfriends, or a special celebration with family, it's tempting to want to "get the party started," so to speak, as soon as you're seated. When we do this, however, we make it that much harder to remain mindful around food because our mind is already slightly clouded by alcohol. When we order a cocktail or glass of wine right off the bat, it's an implicit invitation to ourselves to disregard our intentions and give into those voices that are telling us to "just let loose."

Don't order a Scorpion Bowl until AFTER they bring your
egg roll :-)

In my experience, that initial drink order will either make or break my evening. I've made the wrong-for-me decision too many times to not have developed an alternative solution which is to wait until my meal comes to order a beverage. By ordering plain or sparkling water to start, I make a conscious choice to ease myself into the evening, stay present and enjoy the whole experience. I feel empowered when I make choices that reflect my goals, and as a result, I am able to fully engage with my company. I'm not worried about whether or not someone is "judging" me for abstaining from alcohol (not that my choice gives them reason to, but it's all about my perception anyway!) because I simply say, "I'm going to order a glass of wine with my meal." Not only am I making a choice I feel comfortable with and that allows me to remain fully engaged in the present moment, but I give myself more time to pore over the wine list (<--see what I did there?!) in conjunction with the menu and decide what wine best pairs with my meal of choice. I stand by this strategy as a way to help me avoid overindulgence because it enhances the entire experience of dining out, and when I am truly enjoying myself, I am much less likely to make a decision that will dramatically alter that course.

The "Good v. Bad" Food Dogma that's Keeping You from Achieving Your Health Goals

I love glazed crullers from NYC coffee carts. Like, love 'em. If you live in NYC like me, you know the carts I'm talking about:  they're everywhere! You can find them on almost every corner in the City, selling everything from piping hot coffee to buttered rolls to baklava. They're the bomb.com. My favorite cart proprietor knows my order even before I open my mouth! #noshameinmydonutgame.

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I don't remember how I got on my cruller-kick, but they are in the regular circulation of indulgences that I enjoy. I know, I know, you're probably thinking: what in the world is a fitness professional doing eating a cruller from a coffee cart?! Well, I'll let you in on a little-known secret: we "fitness professionals" are *gasp* not immune to the magical combination of sugar and butter, nor are many of us willing to sacrifice the foods that we truly enjoy in order to walk around at 12% body fat. Now don't get me wrong: if that were my goal, I'd definitely rein in the weekly donut indulgence. There's also nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be super-lean...as long as it's not at the sake of your quality of life and mental stability. Ultimately, I know what it takes to lean out to that extent, and that a weekly donut habit would hinder such a goal. However, that's not where I'm at now, so I see no problem with enjoying every satisfying and decadent bite of donut without a twinge of guilt. 

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Now believe me: it's taken me along time to get to the point where I can eat a donut and not hate myself for it. I've come a long way, and doing the tough mental work required to manage my emotional eating has been nothing short of the biggest struggle of my life so far. Part of getting mindful about food, however, involves actively rejecting almost EVERYTHING I used to believe about food and what I should and should not be eating. This daily struggle was the source of endless anxiety for me, until I realized that most of what the conventional industry preaches is a crock of s**t.

I hate the way the fitness industry demonizes certain foods as "bad" and labels others as "good." I think this sends an incomplete message to people who are trying to take control of their health and overcome unhealthy attachments to food. As far am I'm concerned, speaking about something like food in moralistic terms such as these accomplishes the following:

1) Alienates people 

2) Makes people obsessed

3) Facilitates the diet cycle, where you're either "on" or "off"

4) Undermines the efforts of those individuals who've found an alternative to the "hamster wheel" version of dieting where you're constantly moving but not getting anywhere fast. 

Visualize and it will Materialize: Tips for How to Find and Harness Internal Motivation for Lasting Results

WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO GO THROUGH HARD TIMES TO GLEAN THE LESSONS THEY MUST IMPART!???!! Don't you ever wish you could just go back in time and shake your younger self and tell her all the things that you now know that would have made her experience so much better?! Yeah, me too :-) But, 'tis not the way of the world, and unfortunately, we gotta trudge through that s**t. At least we can lament (and learn!) from it all together!

Such a wonderful adage :-) [Source]

It's taken me the longest time--and the toughest lessons--to understand that you can't sustain physique results achieved through a lens of self-hatred. True, lasting changes are the culmination of self-compassion and thoughtful, deliberate, and patient action. Achievement of a particular physique, weight, or dress size cannot be tied to something external. When your success depends on your ability to follow a particular plan and achieve a specific result, what happens when that doesn't happen? What happens when life rudely interjects and you're forced to improvise? I know all too well that if you don't have the tools to weather the inevitable shit storm, it's all too easy to blame your lack of willpower, curse your bad luck, make yourself feel guilty, and eventually quit. I'm sure you can imagine the wonders this does to your self esteem! 

Like I said, I can relate to this. When I was a junior in college, I went abroad to Chile for a semester. While there, I met and fell in love with a Chilean guy who enriched my experience as an foreign student in so many ways. We had a lot of beautiful times together, and I left to go back to the states after my five months abroad with a very heavy heart. Before I left, we discussed doing "the long distance" thing. It worked for several months and I returned to Chile the following December to celebrate the new year. Something had very clearly shifted in our relationship, but I was still so head-over-heels that I would not--could not--admit it to myself. In April, my Chilean boyfriend broke my heart and announced that he'd fallen for another foreign student--this time, a blonde from Holland. 

"Rico Suave" and me

It's all so cliche, looking back. But at the time, I was so devastated. I had no appetite, which for me was a welcome side effect of heartache. I reveled in the way my clothes fit, and used my circumstance to fuel my unhealthy "diet." I would purposely look up pictures of my ex and his new girlfriend, fixating on her physical features, picking her apart to make myself feel better about being the one that had been spurned. I compared our physiques endlessly, which provided additional motivation not to eat. I was on the heartbreak diet and it looked good on me (or so I thought).

After awhile, life resurrected me from my funk and I started thinking about my ex less and less. As I did so, the weight crept right back on. Of course it did! The motivation to lose weight was not coming from a renewable source: it was entirely finite. With every pound I gained back, I felt more and more disgusted with myself. Why is it so hard for me to stay motivated? Why do I have so little willpower? Why is this so hard for me and so easy for other people? Why am I such a failure? And on, and on, and on.

I think that this is why we often fail to sustain our weight loss. As my experience illustrates, we pin our hopes, expectations, and motivations on something that is fleeting or non-existent. We fixate on a desired aesthetic but do not examine why we desire it or what it will help us achieve. Basically, we don't really think about what's in it for us--the person deep down inside whose voice has probably been muffled for a long time. It's this person that we have to listen to because what they want is what will provide the motivation to keep going. 

Are abs really what you're seeking?
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In order to make any sustainable and lasting lifestyle changes, you have to turn your gaze inward and accept that it's not only about diet and exercise: it's about how you feel about how you eat and how you exercise. It's about the intersection of what you know that you should do and what you actually do because of how you perceive the process. It's about introspection.

While all this may seem totally "New-agey" and esoteric, you can start by listening to your inner voice and asking yourself these questions: What do you really want to try that you've avoided because you feel like you're not ready? What would you do as a person with a healthier body and outlook on life? Identify whatever that is and give it space to grow and expand and take up space in your mind's eye. Give it shape and form, make it visual. 

"Vision boards" are an extremely useful tool to put an image to an idea or goal. Vision boards are exploratory vehicles to lead you to identify what it is that you value, admire, and desire in life. They are a creative pursuit which allows for a certain level of suspension of reality--in other words, when you're in a creative space, you're less likely to judge yourself too harshly and simply follow your instincts--the very guide you must listen to in order to uncover the intrinsic motivation that will sustain your results. 

Another tool to help activate those "motivation sensors" and develop resiliency is, though slightly little less tangible than a vision board, is pure visualization. Challenge yourself to live within the expectation of success, saturate yourself in that feeling. What does it feel like? Does that feeling motivate or discourage you? Visualize that you're already enjoying the fruits of your labor and chances are you'll be amazed at how quickly your vision and reality coalesce. Sure, it's not enough to just envision and act as though you're already successful: you have to work at it. However, when you shift your perspective from a place of "I'm not ready/smart/experienced/stting-willed enough to succeed" to one that says "I've totally got this," then you've cleared a huge hurdle. 

[Source]

The final piece of this puzzle involves broadcasting: tell others what you're doing, why, and how you would appreciate their support and encouragement. This not only makes you accountable to yourself to facilitate your success, but it inspires others. Encouragement is like sunshine: it warms our hearts and brings light into our lives and the lives of those around us who also feel it. It's also infectious, so seek it out, give it freely to others, accept it, and see it expand. 

The Unconventional Inspiration that Changed My Mind About Women and Weightlifting & Boosted My Self-Confidence x100000

Several years ago when I decided that it was time to get myself "in shape," I, like many other women, assumed that more cardio would help me achieve my goals. I eschewed lifting weights because I didn't want to "get bulky." I thought, incorrectly, that lifting weights would made me gain weight and develop an unsightly jawline or some other equally-masculine and unfavorable attribute. 

How I used to think weight training would make me look...[Source]

Ha, I have to LOL just thinking about it. 

:-) [Source]

It also never occurred to me that what I ate could make or break my success to such a dramatic extent. I assumed that as long as I "burned off all the calories" I ate, I wouldn't have to give anything up. So I didn't. But I also didn't account for the way my excessive cardio habit would make me crave carbs constantly; experience intense and persistent cravings; and experience such extremely low-lows and high-highs in my energy. I never could have predicted all the nagging injuries that would plague me when I was running 15-20 miles per week (go figure), or how much the cycle would affect my self-esteem and body confidence. Plain and simply, I had very limited amounts of both and normal, everyday interactions with others would often send me into a tailspin of self-doubt. 

After I run, I wanted ALL THE FOODS! [Source]

It was so hard for me to see it then, but what I was doing wasn't working--for my health, my psyche, or my waistline! If you can relate to this at all, here's my advice to you: if what you're doing isn't working, it's time to reassess. For me, this mean reevaluating my workouts first: endurance running just wasn't getting me the results I was after, so I started strength training more earnestly. Of course, everyone is different, so if you're happy with your exercise regimen and it happens to involve a lot of running, more power to you and keep rockin' the  miles. If you like how you look as an endurance athlete and your physique leaves nothing to be desired, GO YOU! That's amazing! If you manage your cravings and your energy levels aren't all over the place, and nothing about how you feel physically seems off, you are doing something right and I commend you.

#truthbomb [Source]

However, if this does not describe you, take it from me: there is another--heck, there are many other!-- way to do fitness. If you're scared to try something new because of what you've heard, or what you've read, or what worked for your friend or your cousin or your neighbor, think about how much scarier it would be to be in the exact same place years from now than it would to just try some other way. Seriously, no one's holding a gun to your head--if you hate it, you can always go back to the old way; it will be there for you. I'm giving you the advice that I wish someone had given me or I'd encountered when I was really struggling because I was sososo reluctant to try anything different. I was scared because my self-esteem was so low that I actually didn't think that I deserved to feel better about myself, either physically or emotionally. I thought it was cross to bear, when in reality I deserve to be as happy, confident, and at peace with myself as anyone else does...

AND SO DO YOU. 

Yup, TV Helped Me Develop a Healthier Relationship with Food

I love the Real Housewives franchise, especially the ladies from New Jersey. They're quite a cast of characters, but what compels me to tune in season after season is not so much the cat fights, family drama, or big hair, but the food. All the housewives on the show are Italian-American, and a huge part of their identity as wives and mothers is about cooking for their families and friends. They make pasta, bread, pastries, cookies, wine, meat dishes, and sauces from scratch. Watching this show makes me 1) crave Italian food; and 2) thank my lucky stars that I wasn't born into such a family with traditions like Sunday dinner which, truth be told, seem more like feasts. 


via GIPHY

I have a weird obsession with food & pop culture. I like the cooking shows and all, but what's more interesting to me is how scenes in both scripted and reality shows are played out around food. There's the now infamous Theresa-table-flip from RHONJ Season 1 (see above), and the endless temptations that contestants on shows like The Biggest Loser have to contend with. It's a given that every sitcom under the sun will have at least one episode dedicated to Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Jerry Seinfeld's cereal obsession was on display in nearly every episode of the show, (although I'll never understand how someone might actually eat all those sugary concoctions before they went stale) as part of his character's backstory and identity. 

When food shows up on TV, I'm immediately more alert. Family dinners, dates, and other scenes depicting social engagements always catch my attention: What roles do the individual characters play around the food? Who prepared it, and who served it? Who's eating and enjoying it? What is their reaction to it? How does food facilitate the scene itself? Who's not eating at all (and why do I get mad that they're being wasteful!!!!???), and how does that manifest? Up until recently, I never thought to examine what this odd fascination might reveal about me: am I just, plain and simple, obsessed with food? Am I obsessed with what food stands for, and how it's used to convey different cultural values? Am I searching for a sign that these characters struggle with food anxiety just like me? What it comes down to, I think, is that I'm looking for clues: behaviors, cues, and rules for interacting over a meal that might help me figure out how NOT to obsess quite so much. 

This sounds strange, but it's not entirely so: there is a phenomenon called para-social interaction that describes how viewers relate to and develop fictional relationships with the characters in their favorite shows. It's not uncommon to hear people talk about fictional characters like they're real people, and some studies have even shown that people gravitate towards characters who they feel are either 1) similar to them; or 2) aspirational in some way [When You're In Love...With a TV Character]. When I observe scenes in which people are interacting around food, I'm intrigued because I want to understand how the characters that I relate to, relate to food. Since I aspire to be more mindful and relaxed around food, I am searching for that quality in the fictional characters I see on the screen. 

Forget What Your Doctor Told You: Reducing Your Sodium Intake Alone Won't Cure Your Hypertension

At 23, I was diagnosed with hypertension. My doctor prescribed meds, and advised me to lose weight if I wanted to avoid any further health complications, including preeclampsia if I ever got pregnant. 

She also told me to curb my salt intake.

It's well-intentioned, but this "scare-tactic" propaganda does
more harm than good

Obviously, this diagnosis was heartbreaking for someone as young as I was. I immediately adopted a strict "low-sodium" diet and a rigorous distance running schedule, thinking that this would surely help me drop some unwanted lbs and control my blood pressure. The problem was that the excessive cardio ballooned my appetite, made me crave carbs and other sugary, processed treats, and tanked my metabolism. Despite my best efforts to be conscientious about my sodium intake, my blood pressure remained high. I would experiment and go off my medication for several weeks at a time to prove to myself that I could control my blood pressure, but I kept getting consistently high readings. I was so frustrated. 

How I felt...

and how I looked. The photo on the left is June 2009;
the photo on the right is August/September 2015. I am now
healthier, happier, and medication-free!

Fast forward a few years, and I've transformed my body, my mind, and my health prognosis! I ditched cardio in favor of heavy weight training and body weight exercises to improve my athleticism; I cleaned up my diet and eliminated most processed food, while simultaneously working on my mindset to get at the real reasons why I turn to food when I feel emotionally-vulnerable. It's a journey of constant self-discovery and it's wonderful!

Novelty is Seductive, but it can be Detrimental: Tips to Get Your Health Priorities Straight and Avoid the "Shiny Objects"

Last week, I was having a conversation over lunch with a co-worker. He's over 50, and was lamenting how a lot of his friends his age aren't able to join him in the active pursuits he enjoys because they're in poor health. My coworker is in great shape, works out often and eats a healthy diet. He said that his friends frequently complain about their health issues, and as much as they talk about their desire to "do something about it," their efforts never seem to stick. He said that they often get seduced by the marketing for one health product or another and convince themselves that this will be the thing that finally inspires them to get in shape. Then in a few months after the novelty wears off, they're back where they started. 

Fitbits definitely LOOK cool, but ask yourself, for yourself:
Are they a tool or a distraction

He explained that most recently, the novelty was the FitBit. Several of them were immediately attracted to its sleekness, utility and ease-of-use. They were so die-hard that they actually convinced him that he "had" to get one because he works out a lot and would love all the features. Their enthusiasm rubbed off on him and he said he was on the FitBit wagon...

...And then it dawned on him a few days later: he doesn't need an inanimate object to beep or buzz on his wrist to motivate him to move, walk or exercise more. He doesn't need any fancy technology to give him feedback about his habits. His motivation to workout and eat healthily is intrinsic: it's just what he does. 

More likely than not, we've all been where my coworker's friends are. We've all operated under the pretense that the solution to our health problems is external to us. There is something alluring about the "hot new program" or solution or product: I call this the "Shiny Object Theory." Novelty is alluring and seductive. We're hard-wired to seek it out,  which is why infomercial health products and programs sell so well: they're marketing to us a dream, a vision of a different reality in which we are happier, thinner, healthier, and better-looking. All we have to do is buy the product.

No caption needed :-)

I know I don't have to, but I'm going to tell you right now that there is no product out there that is a proxy for the mental and physical work it takes to achieve sustainable weight loss and better health. There are products out there that will enhance your efforts and make the process more fun, but when all is said and done, they are distractions. They will not help you overcome emotional eating; they won't help you learn how to assess your hunger, energy and cravings so that you're less likely to binge at night; and they won't hold you accountable to your goals: that has to come from within. 

It's hard to have the courage to try another way to her healthy that is devoid of "shiny objects": I certainly know this from experience, and have an expensive heart rate monitor that's collecting dust on my shelf to prove it! My costly gadget kept me entertained for a few months, but the work I've done internally has done more to sustain my results than any device or program or 30-Day Challenge. 

So sleek, so shiny, so...wait, why did I buy this?

In my opinion, your hard-earned money that could be spent on the newest "shiny object" is better saved, and your energy allocated to figuring out the deeper whys: Why do you want to be healthier? Why have you struggled so much up to this point? Why is it so hard for you to stay motivated? Give yourself permission to save a few dollars on that new gadget and invest it in yourself: buy a journal and start writing down three things each day for which you are grateful. Not only will this give you a more positive outlook, but gratitude has been linked to a better immune system and improved heart rate variability which may reduce the risks of sudden death in those with chronic heart disease, and may be beneficial in the treatment of hypertension [Scientific proof that gratitude is healthy!]. A journal is also a great way to start playing detective: you can keep track of your hunger, energy levels and cravings and the situations that trigger you to eat or drink certain things. This biofeedback is essential if you want to break the cycle of binge-or-emotional eating, improve portion control, and get the most out of your workouts. Journaling about what makes you unique and what you love about yourself is also a great tool to shift your mindset from a place of unworthiness to a place of fundamental worthiness. It will help you to acknowledge all the wonderful things about you that deserve recognition beyond your weight. And that, my friends, is going to assure you greater long-term success with your health goals than any "shiny object," I promise!